To See or Not to See: The First Look Debate

To see or not to see, that is the question for many couples who are conflicted if they should have a “First Look” before the ceremony, or wait until the traditional time to lock eyes as the bride walks down the aisle.  I find that those toying with the idea are often doing so not for themselves, but more so to get photos out of the way and join the reception sooner.

A friend of mine recently asked me what she should do. In her heart, she wanted to wait until she walked down the aisle but for the sake of logistics she was thinking they should have a First Look. My answer to her was easy:

If waiting to see each other until she walks down the aisle is what they want, then nothing should get in the way of that. There isn’t anything in the world that can replace the moment when the doors open, you hear the sound of the entire congregation come to their feet, and you see your husband-to-be and he sees you as a bride for the first time. It is one of the most unbelievable feelings in the world. If you’re like me and just the thought of it makes you well up, well then listen to your heart and wait until you walk down the aisle.

To get the best of both worlds, here are a few things to consider:

Talk to your photographer.

Express your priorities to your photographer. If joining cocktail hour is important to you, let them know that you would only like to spend 30-45 minutes on post-ceremony photographs. Knock out individual photos of you, your bridesmaids, and parents (likewise for the groom) before the ceremony. Your photographer may express concern with the timing – and if they do, listen to them. The last thing you want to do is push them outside of their comfort zone at the expense of your wedding photos. Work together to find a happy medium.

Create a photo shot list.

You’ve given your photographer your goal timeframe, now it’s time to give them a shot list. Shot lists provide order, prevent awkward questions (i.e. “Do you want him in the shot?”), and will help expedite the process. This list should include each specific group shot you would like to have. Within each shot, list the names of each person involved so that no one is left out.  Furthermore, order the list in a manner that makes sense so that you are only adding and pulling out one person at a time, rather than removing an entire group to introduce another group, then putting back the original group, etc. That will make anyone go crazy! Lastly, be sure to notify all participants in advance that you would like for them to be a part of photos, giving them instructions on when and where photos will take place.

Recruit a photo “wrangler.”

This might be the most valuable tip of all. The photo shot list is great but only goes so far.  Recruit a cousin or friend familiar with those on your shot list to track down everyone and organize next shots (i.e. “Uncle Bobby, you’re in the next shot!”). This will make post-ceremony photos much more efficient and your photographer, who already has their hands full, will greatly appreciate the help.

Set aside special details for your photographer.

In most cases, your photographer will arrive to capture the end of your dressing preparations.  Make it easy on them and set aside special details that you would like photographed: your rings, heirloom jewelry, shoes, wedding invitation, your grandmother’s handkerchief, etc. Having these items in one place will give your photographer more time to organize beautiful shots and will guarantee that these items are captured.

Request cocktails and hors d’oeuvres.

Much of the post-ceremony photo concern comes from the fact that you just want to get to the party! If photos are taking place in the same location as your reception, make yourself, your wedding party, and family happy by requesting a few servers to accompany you with whatever your guests are enjoying at the cocktail hour. There’s nothing like a celebratory cocktail to help you through photos! (Just remember to put your glass down before hopping into a photo…)

If you are still debating if you should have a First Look or not, here are a few more things to consider…

You will have to get ready that much earlier.

Earlier start to hair and makeup, earlier time to be dressed, more chances to sweat (and, God forbid, spill!)…all of this makes you not as fresh for the ceremony. If it’s hot and depending on the flowers in your bouquet (or in your hair), wilting or browning of the flowers may be an issue.

You will have to arrange for the family to meet you earlier.

Some families are like herding cats, even when they are all present. Imagine asking all of them to meet you at your pre-ceremony photo location all at once and on time to go through the photos. For some this works very well, but for others. . . like I said, herding cats.

Also ask yourself if this chaos before your wedding ceremony will cause you additional stress?  If the answer is yes, then keep it simple and stick to just the wedding party and tackle the larger group shots after the ceremony.

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Photography by Anne Rhett Photography